[ A couple days after Cloud was stricken with the news that Zack had disappeared from the planet, he'd found himself divulging the news to Marie. Calm as he was with his new draconic blessing, a reopened wound was still exactly that. A wound. One that he covers up rather well even as he explained who Zack was to Marie. A very important friend who was taken too soon. On the surface, however, he held a confident smile and carried on like nothing was amiss. And in a way, that was still true. He doesn't blame himself for the past- not anymore. But...that didn't mean it wasn't allowed to still hurt.
Nothing else seemed to be amiss for the rest of the day. Even into the chillier night as thoughts from before weigh on Cloud's mind. But...rather than his sleep being the one that has a haze cast over it, it was what's visualizing in his Servant's dreams that night that were concerning. As the bond between a Master and their Servant grew, so too did the connection between their emotions, the strength, and deeper yet on a subconscious level. This dream that Marie witnesses isn't like many others. The land is barren, almost completely deprived of life as storm clouds slowly billow in from a distance. A shaky old truck takes off down a dusty unpaved road. And left behind are two weary travellers.
There's many aspects that are still relatively fuzzy, but as time progresses, it becomes more and more clear. A tall young man with spiky black hair looks down on a motionless body, smiling before shaking his shoulder like one would a comrade. As if to reassure him that everything was going to be okay.
Ah... That's right. Whilst Servants didn't necessarily "dream" or require "sleep", this vision that would come to Marie wasn't like anything else she'd seen before. It's her Master's memories... And the man leaves him behind, to face what appears to be insurmountable odds. Hundreds of what appeared to be military grunts. Helicopters flying overhead, armed to the teeth with modern firearms and rocket launchers. And the only thing standing in the way to the broken boy in a crumpled heap, watching on with lifeless eyes...is the man holding the legacy of SOLDIER in his two hands.
[ Marie had no clear image of how Cloud's precious friend looked like, except the faint memory she was made witness of during their battle against the horrible titan Hideula. When her Master reported the news of Zach's unexpected departure today, she was taken aback. They never had met, and she felt sad that such moment would likely never happen at all. Cloud spoke so fondly of him, and Marie wanted to have the pleasure to befriend him sometime. No sadness seemed to pour out of Cloud's expression, but as his Servant she could detect the faint lines of pain around him, and decided not to press on them, giving him space to grieve.
In the same night, after closing her eyes to rest, the Queen had a rather odd dream.
Fuzzy, but also clear in the fact she could recognize the two boys. As the helpless spectator of their adventures, unable to interact with them, Marie could tell she was exploring one of Cloud's memories once again, the realization hitting early. Everything plays out like a movie, reaching its climax when Zach left his friend behind to face a huge enemy army, and then was seen next laying gravely injured as Cloud crawled to him and could just hear those last words.
"My honour... My dreams... They're yours, now. You'll be...my living legacy."
The ache crossing Cloud's heart in that moment also stabbed her, empathy going haywire because of their stronger bond.
She wakes up, breathless and sweating, after hearing his scream echo in every crevice of her brain. Of course, he's not in her room, even though she still looks around to be sure it was only a... dream. No, that wasn't a correct term. It was certainly a vision induced by their bond, which was triggered by his strong emotions. He's in pain.
Fighting the urge to contact him, not wanting to dig that pain up, she clenches her teeth and waits until morning, when he next pays her a visit as it became routine. She opens the door, the mask of a smile fixed on her features. ]
[ Of a fragile mind, the boy who could hardly be called a functioning human crawled his way across the torrential downpour to the only thing anchoring him to this world. To any semblance of an existence. And though Marie can only watch as the past is retold before her very eyes, a man's mind is shattered into a thousand shards as his scream echoes out. Zack can't hear him. No one can. No one but the Queen whose shoulders bore the burden of this memory. This would be the first time anyone else could bare witness to these memories so vividly. His friends and family back home knew of what happened.
But hearing and seeing... ]
!
[ Cloud comes to, body slightly weary despite the comfort and calm that claims his body in the wake of a dragon blessing. Sitting upright in his bed as the sheets slip down his upper torso, he sits alone with his thoughts. The future. The present that he lives in. The past...yet at the end of every thought, for some reason he finds himself retracing his steps back to the girl he visited yesterday. Why she was in his thoughts, on his mind, so persistently right now, he couldn't say. This wasn't of some Sanguis-fueled desire or any other possessive pings of addiction that otherwise wrack him beneath his moon. Something about last night triggered something in Cloud, unknowing on a subconscious level that Marie's thoughts were with him too.
His eyes trail to the drawer of his nightstand, deciding to pull it open as he looks at the velvet jewelry box inside. It's for her. Maybe it's a little too early for this, but...for some reason he's compelled to do something for her. She listened to him the night before when he confessed what happened to Zack. Maybe this "Firialia" could come a little early. And so, freshening up and preparing to head out, Cloud's first stop is for the 'simple girl' bound to him.
When she greets him with that beautiful smile, there's a fleeting moment where Cloud is taken aback. Every time, even on the day they first met before they could be called Master & Rider, she had this effect on him. Pained though he may be on the inside, that sensation is at odds with this feeling in his chest, making him feel lighter whenever he sees her face. He can greet her in kind with Bonjour, but there's something more deep and sincere in the smile on his face. A tiredness in his eyes that ebbs away with each passing second as he answers her the only way he knows how. ]
Hey, Marie.
[ Soft yet full of meaning. That he's glad to see her. ]
[ Cloud does seem to be in good spirits today, but Marie knows the truth and it stings her with every second she stares at his smile. He dreamed that up last night. There's no way anyone would be at peace after reliving that piece of nightmare from their life. Just the same as her, he's masking all his pain behind a smile, and it's uncertain whose mask is going to crack first.
For now, she steps aside, elegantly waving a hand to gesture for him to come inside. ]
I have brewed some coffee for you, but if you are not feeling up to it, I also have tea or hot chocolate.
[ Once he steps in, and she closes the door behind them, Marie can't help the stare she gives his broad back. It might be her imagination playing tricks, influenced by the dream and his raw emotions she felt trickling along her skin, but he looks... much smaller than he should be. Like he's struggling to curl into himself and hide his pain away. Her eyes can hardly contail the tears forming behind them.
Her hand twitches, wanting to reach for him... but stops.
Can't bring it up. What if her carelessness upsets him and ruins any bit of their relationship? How would he trust her from then on...? ]
Hopefully you had a good rest? [ She carries on with her performance, following him to the kitchen, chewing her bottom lip once she's done speaking. ]
this slipped through the cracks of my inbox wtf. dfkjash
[ He knows how attentive she can be. She'd drop everything to swap the pot of coffee out for tea or hot cocoa in an instant for him. For anyone... Marie was such a good soul, and there's so much about her that reminds him of another person dear and close to his heart. Yet another person whose left...both here and in his time. A burning question persists in his brain, one he doesn't want to know the answer to least it break him down all over again.
Why? Why did it have to be people like Marie and Aerith who suffer? Always someone like them... ]
Mm... S'alright. Not the smoothest, but that's to be...
[ Cloud's voice trails as he slowly turns to face her again. A fine performance it was on his Rider's part. ...had it not been for the way she was chewing her bottom lip when she's finished speaking. And his eyes widen some. ...he's not dense, capable of reading the air despite the fact he's hiding something in kind for the sake of a soft front. ]
[ Marie starts busying herself in the kitchen, the smell of freshly brewed coffee wafting in the air. There are already two teacups set on the counter, resting on their respective plates which are also placed on a tray along with milk and sugar cubes. The coffee pot is warm in her hold when she pours the proper amount for him and herself. Tea is more of her favourite, but she has a habit to match with her guests' preferences when they come visit her. It's a subtle gesture of friendliness to her.
Her back is now facing Cloud. It hurts when she stops herself from chewing her lip.
"... you okay?"
She abruptly stands frozen, holding the pot in midair. Her shoulders stiffen a bit. ]
Oui, I am! My neck just aches a bit, because I must have slept in a wrong position last night.
[ Why is it always so hard to lie? She feels terrible as soon as the words leave her mouth. ]
Why don't you make yourself comfortable in the living room? I shall bring the coffee there.
[ His gaze is studious as she seems to freeze up at the question. That's all that he needs to hear, even as she goes right on ahead with lying to him. Cloud isn't offended by it however. ...it's not like he's being entirely forthcoming too. Granted, he still doesn't realize what she's witnessed of her Master's past shortfalls. He's onto her, but he doesn't say anything all the same. Instead, he complies with a soft nod and does as she asks. ]
Alright.
[ Having a seat in the luxurious living room, he patiently waits with his hands folded in his lap. When Marie finally arrives with their coffee, however... ]
Lemme see your neck.
[ He looks up to her, concern clear in those soft eyes of his as he hopes she'll take a seat at his side. If her neck and shoulders ache? Cloud's gotta be an attentive Master and do something about that, right? ]
[ She feels a weight coming off her shoulders when he agrees to leave for the living room, but it's not like she can avoid him at all. In a way or another, she has to bring the matter up. But she has no idea how he would react if he knew that she'd just looked into his dreams without meaning to. A strained sigh comes out, as Marie is careful enough not to let him hear.
Tray in her hands, she's back at Cloud's side with their coffee cups. It's with a bit of relief for her tense arms that she places all the content onto the small table without a spill, but her stance turns stiff when Cloud basically requests that he checks her neck, and it takes her some bit of effort not to immediately reject his offer. It would be suspicious if she immediately refused his help. There was not a problem with what she was being asked to do.
Daintily sitting next to him, she gives him a polite smile that is a bit strained at the edges. ]
Alright, but you do not have to worry. It is nothing serious.
[ Cloud's no fool. He's picked up enough cues amidst this world's means of getting close to people; even from getting close to her... He might not have heard the strained sigh that surfaces from her mouth when she prepares the coffee, but her posture when he asks to see her neck? That's not something that gets past him so easily. Unfortunately for Marie, he's been suspicious for the past couple moments now.
But before his own dreams, it's all taking a backseat to his genuine concern for his Rider as she takes a seat next to him. ]
Probably not. I know how tough you Servants are.
[ Cloud's going to forego his cup of coffee for now. It'll be there, nice and warm for him to drink after he takes care of her. So as she daintily sits next to him, he's going to shift back in his seat and move in closer to her side. Close enough that his hand can move up the back of her neck. He presses, letting his fingers roam down between her neck and shoulder. His tone softens, ]
Some Master I'd be if I can't at least do this, right?
[ Cloud's no expert, but he knows tension when he feels it. She might have lied about actually injuring her neck, but whatever he does feel? He wants to make it go away. So his other hand is going to settle on the other side of her. He's really just giving her a shoulder massage to start. His strong hands following where the tension goes. ]
[ It's a pity that the coffee will have to wait, but it's best to allow Cloud to help her first. Not like there are any ailments afflicting her at the moment, but she submits to the play pretend only for the sake of keeping their dialogue smooth, without shocks or turns that would upset either of them. If the matter of their dreams comes up, she'd rather it does so naturally, when Cloud is comfortable with discussing it.
The thing is, how would that be possible? There's not many options she has at disposal to approach that matter smoothly without bringing up painful details of his past. Marie sighs through her nose, masking that as relief for his skillful massaging. The enornimity of that topic hangs heavily in the air, and it feels like she's the only one being affected by that. ]
You are very kind, Cloud.
[ A throwaway phrase, but she genuinely thinks so of him, wholeheartedly so. ]
Someone like you deserves so much more than a mere merci from me.
[ Then, she chews her bottom lip for a second, before coming up with a question that is more like a weak hook he could lie his way out of, but she wants to ask anyway. ]
Are you having any troubles lately? You told me you did not have the smoothest sleep last night...
I had a dream last night. [ Cloud's voice firms up as he speaks. As if he can't allow himself to go too airy in his thoughts when they reach the surface. Despite this, he continues to gently massage her as he speaks. ] It was about a friend of mine back home. He was here one minute and then...got sent back the next.
[ When he feels her shoulders tense up, that's when Cloud starts to feel an anchor dragging on his heart. As if she knew... He may not fully understand yet, yet he doesn't ask how or why either. She was there when they traversed to Amegahara. When the GIGA unit was launched into battle and the three of them worked together in felling the dark titan. In that short span of time, memories flowed into their brains without their consent. Even now, he can hear the pristine sheen of metal as it slides down...
Marie saw more, didn't she. Yet despite his wonders, Cloud never stopped his hands. They're less firm now, and he fights the urge to tremble as he attempted to harbor what he feels inside. Still...he never stops. Even when his voice feels farther away than before. ]
He was my best friend. [ ... Heh. ] You talk about who'd make one helluva Heroic Spirit...
[ Not that it was possible. The world didn't work that way where he was from. There was no recording of history for heroes to be summoned forth. Not like the system the Holy Grail utilized. But that's a fleeting thought. A flash in the pan compared to what he tells her next. ]
It's a long story, but... Zack saved me when I couldn't help myself. And...it cost him his life. He died passing his legacy onto me.
For a while...I put all the blame on myself. [ For Zack...for Aerith... ] Now whenever I dream about him, it's...a reminder.
[ Just because he's moved on- because he learned to forgive himself and cherish what's in front of him. Doesn't mean that it would never stop hurting. ]
Mm. You woulda liked him. [ Said so idly as follows whatever tension's left. Until with one last rolling rub of her shoulders, he sighs and lets his hands fall to his lap. ]
[ It's the exact same feeling of gloom engulfing her when she watched through his dream, powerless as the events unfolded and she couldn't do anything to prevent them. Cloud carries on with his explanation, and there's nothing about what he tells her that she doesn't know already, and her delicate hands curl into tight fist over her lap, wishing she could stop him.
A reminder that he's supposed to carry on a legacy. Such a heavy burden, she's way too close to that knowledge. The same responsibility of a ruler, that she had been once, but it feels more intimate, heart-wrenching. The raw, permanent death of a friend, is something she hasn't really experienced. Cloud has to carry on with that burden for the rest of his life.
When he stops massaging her, the removed physical contact gives Marie plenty room to act.
She turns around, and then her arms are next thrown around his neck, trapping him in a hug. The side of their heads bump into each other as she sighs deeply, letting her previously unshed tears flow as the empathy conflated into sadness grows and constrict her chest so tightly she can't breathe for a few full seconds. ]
Forgive me, Cloud, I... [ She swallows a sob. ] I looked into your dream, last night. It was not voluntary - our bond as Master and Servant caused it to happen. I know everything. I saw every detail. I am so sorry...!
[ Cloud's breath clips when she suddenly turns around to face him. He doesn't even have any time to say anything or begin attempting to before her arms are thrown around his neck. If he were any less sturdy, he would have fallen backwards from how quickly she traps him in this embrace. Whereas Marie pours her heart into the hug, tears flowing and her body on the brink of shaking, Cloud can't breath.
Eyes wide as saucers and body rendered frozen and stiff, all he can do is listen as she swallows a sob and clutches him tight. The only semblance of sound that comes out of her Master is a squeak of air when she reveals she'd looked into that dream. That she practically had the same dream. So she saw everything. The gunfire, the smell of iron as blood stained the cliffside, washed away by the rain. The passing of the proverbial torch. His honor. His dreams. The very moment Cloud's mind shattered into several pieces all over again, and the scream that signaled the start of another man's journey. ]
... ....
[ This should feel perverse. Like his deepest, darkest memories were involuntarily wrenched from his mind and broadcast for all to see. It's just like the time he and Weiss shared memories together when testing the GIGA. He'd seen her supposed death. She'd seen the loss of Aerith. Why was everyone's lives steeped in loss? Why did that have to be the foundation they built their betterment from?
Cloud had every right to feel uncomfortable knowing that this contract meant nothing was sacred. ]
I...
[ Why then...? ]
[ Why did he care more about the fact the woman holding him was crying? And that he was just sitting there petrified? His body finally moves. It trembles. His fingers twitch. He drank with Panty when Zack first disappeared and found fleeting yet important comfort there. But this was different. Something far more raw. He doesn't reprimand her. He doesn't blame her. He doesn't lament their contract, what they've seen or shared with one another. ]
...
[ Instead, Cloud's arms wrap around her body tight. And he finally breathes. All of the tension in him leaves. The smell of her hair, subtle yet soothing, fills his senses with one hand pressed against her back and the other around her waist. All he wants to do is comfort her now. It took him some time. And he might have always been willing to help her regardless of how their contract came to be. But for the first time, the palpable emotion that fills the room as he listens to her sob reaches a fever pitch.
He opened his heart. The door was open for her to come inside. ]
Don't cry.
[ Ha. Hypocrite... Then why are your eyes burning, Cloud? ]
[ Oh, Cloud. He truly isn't that different from her, huh? Selfless, focusing on the pain of his partner instead of his own. Marie knows she shouldn't have reacted like this, because he would see that as what isn't actually true: that she needs his comfort more than he does hers. It's just wrong. Nothing about that makes sense. If anything... it makes her feel worse.
His broad arms wrapped all around her smaller figure are so comforting, though. Much to her shame and regret, she's weak to her waist being grabbed like this. He's gentle, despite her reveal probably crashing through him like a boulder into a wall. Even when he's in distress, he still is considerate enough not to show the sadder side of him. Marie wouldn't mind seeing the ugly side of him, too. Humans have emotions they can't control sometimes. When they made love for the first time on his birthday, Cloud bared his aggressive heart to her, and she loved it.
It would make her even more relieved to see him cry right now.
With that resolution, she stifles a sob, gulps a lump down her throat, sighs, and pulls away.
Their eyes meet, and although Marie's is close to being tearful, eyes glistening, she's also determined. Cloud needs an outlet, and it won't work if he forces himself not to cry and let all his sadness out. He won't be able to move on from his loss if he bottles everything up. Being a hero and holding onto a legacy is pointless if he destroys himself from the inside in the process.
She'll make him understand. ]
Cloud... [ Marie gently cups his cheek. ] It is perfectly okay to cry. Neither of us have to hold back, but this is not about me. Whatever I feel right now does not hold up to how much suffering you had to go through in that dream, especially as you re-lived it.
Let your emotions out. Everything that comes to your mind. I will listen. I am here for you.
[ Cloud blinks, wide-eyed and almost defensively innocent when she gently cups his cheek. He looks bewildered, as if she just said the craziest thing. Let his emotions out? Over what? She's the one who was crying, pained by the suffering she watched... He was over it. He'd moved on...! ]
I'm okay. It happened a long time ago. I'm good, I...
[ He breathes again. Then sucks in a sharp breath on impulse. And for that crucial yet fleeting instant, he stares at her without saying another word. He looks into her beautiful blue eyes, rich as the sky. ...the same sky that Zack loved so much. Why was his vision blurry? He couldn't see her face. All he can do is gently lean into the hand cupping his cheek as the tears rolled down his face. ]
I...
[ Cloud wasn't lying. It happened a long time ago. He'd moved on. He stopped beating himself up over the deaths of Zack and Aerith. For his weakness in being incapable of stopping Sephiroth from reducing Nibelheim to ashes. Some scars never healed, and it was okay if they didn't. This pain...it's new. It's frustrating. And more potently...
It's torture. Cloud's lips form a tight line... And there it is. ]
Why...?
[ Cloud bows his head, heaving a sigh as his shoulders start to shake. His eyes burn with tears as the foundation he'd built crumbles like waves crashing through sand. Even his voice cracks. ]
Why did they bring them here?
[ Why did the Prismals bring Zack and Aerith back if they were just going to take them away? ]
Marie doesn't have an answer for that. Nobody that has been plunged from their home worlds really holds an answer to something that probably no one knows except the Gods. Her lips remain sealed, pressed in a thin line to mirror Cloud, as she watches him crumble under her gentle hand.
They're not here to solve that mystery anytime soon. She's more concerned about offering her utmost emotional support, rather than talk about possibilities and what-ifs. Even if an answer will relieve him, the sadness will remain sitting at the core of his chest. Marie needs to address that first. ]
I know, Master. I know it was cruel of them to bring your friends here. But the memories you had shared together... they will never fade, even though you can't see them again. And they're too precious to be tainted with sorrow and regret.
[ It's different, knowing that someone who had long died back home was brought here and pretty much forced into a second life. When those whom they left behind will have to experience loss a second time because of Prismatica's whims... she can barely understand what Cloud's friends must have felt, knowing they could have disappeared once again.
Marie can understand, though, how torn he is about the whole ordeal.
She hugs him close once more, planting a kiss close to his ear. ]
I believe it is important to focus on what had been, instead of what you have lost...
[ Before he'd come so far as to forgive himself and finally move on, Marie's words might have rang hollow. In one ear, out the other. But this time, it's like they go in...and get blocked from the other side. He'd say he feels trapped by her words, but the more appropriate way of describing this feeling was that he was being forced to face himself. Face his pain. Face his frustrations instead of bottling them away and putting it behind the width of his sword. Cloud's been smiling so much more these days. Happier despite the ups and downs this world provides.
And in the coming months, that happiness would only continue to grow. But every single time... Every fucking time. Something reminds him of his past failings. Attempts to drag him down. All he can do is feel the bubbling urge to growl and tell those voices to shut up. It's over. The past is the past. ...one that continues to be drudged up so he can practice saying goodbye again. ]
I know... [ The second Marie hugs him close, the kiss leaves a tingling warmth of Chroma that attempts to quell his aching heart and mind. So warm. So beautiful. ] I know.....
[ But it doesn't make the tears stop. How long did this take? How long did he hold this in? He doesn't even know where to put his hands right now. All he can feel is his hands gently fisting pristine fabric against her back. Finding some sort of purchase. But it's like he forgot how to hold someone. ]
I'm tired, Marie. I don't know. I- [ Cloud gives up. His hands slip down to her waist, limp as he weakly holds onto her and allows her to embrace him in kind. ] Sorry.
[ Why? He's saying words randomly now. He's so confused. What made him crumble? How did Marie make it so easy? So easy to tremble as he allows himself to press closer to her. She's warmer. Any farther away and he'd be left in the cold, it feels like. ]
[ She closes her eyes, calmly shedding tears that she knows won't hold relevance against the suffering of a man who has lost as much as she did. The past, for her, was centuries ago - she had a lot of time, as a spirit, to work out her sorrows and find some bit of peace despite how violently and horribly she died, how lonely it had been.
But Cloud's pain is so recent, she can't expect him to recover from that quickly and efficiently. The best course right now is to sit here and cry it out and say all that he wants and needs to say. It's better than going out there and hurt himself in some way, out of anger and despair. He's a Sanguis, so that's already risky in itself.
Maybe it won't be a bad idea to keep him here for the time being, until he calms down... ]
It is tiring, having to face such turmoil. That is why I will not be leaving your side.
[ She embraces him tighter, strokes his hair, brings him against her chest. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ A couple days after Cloud was stricken with the news that Zack had disappeared from the planet, he'd found himself divulging the news to Marie. Calm as he was with his new draconic blessing, a reopened wound was still exactly that. A wound. One that he covers up rather well even as he explained who Zack was to Marie. A very important friend who was taken too soon. On the surface, however, he held a confident smile and carried on like nothing was amiss. And in a way, that was still true. He doesn't blame himself for the past- not anymore. But...that didn't mean it wasn't allowed to still hurt.
Nothing else seemed to be amiss for the rest of the day. Even into the chillier night as thoughts from before weigh on Cloud's mind. But...rather than his sleep being the one that has a haze cast over it, it was what's visualizing in his Servant's dreams that night that were concerning. As the bond between a Master and their Servant grew, so too did the connection between their emotions, the strength, and deeper yet on a subconscious level. This dream that Marie witnesses isn't like many others. The land is barren, almost completely deprived of life as storm clouds slowly billow in from a distance. A shaky old truck takes off down a dusty unpaved road. And left behind are two weary travellers.
There's many aspects that are still relatively fuzzy, but as time progresses, it becomes more and more clear. A tall young man with spiky black hair looks down on a motionless body, smiling before shaking his shoulder like one would a comrade. As if to reassure him that everything was going to be okay.
Ah... That's right. Whilst Servants didn't necessarily "dream" or require "sleep", this vision that would come to Marie wasn't like anything else she'd seen before. It's her Master's memories... And the man leaves him behind, to face what appears to be insurmountable odds. Hundreds of what appeared to be military grunts. Helicopters flying overhead, armed to the teeth with modern firearms and rocket launchers. And the only thing standing in the way to the broken boy in a crumpled heap, watching on with lifeless eyes...is the man holding the legacy of SOLDIER in his two hands.
Zack Fair. ]
no subject
In the same night, after closing her eyes to rest, the Queen had a rather odd dream.
Fuzzy, but also clear in the fact she could recognize the two boys. As the helpless spectator of their adventures, unable to interact with them, Marie could tell she was exploring one of Cloud's memories once again, the realization hitting early. Everything plays out like a movie, reaching its climax when Zach left his friend behind to face a huge enemy army, and then was seen next laying gravely injured as Cloud crawled to him and could just hear those last words.
"My honour... My dreams... They're yours, now. You'll be...my living legacy."
The ache crossing Cloud's heart in that moment also stabbed her, empathy going haywire because of their stronger bond.
She wakes up, breathless and sweating, after hearing his scream echo in every crevice of her brain. Of course, he's not in her room, even though she still looks around to be sure it was only a... dream. No, that wasn't a correct term. It was certainly a vision induced by their bond, which was triggered by his strong emotions. He's in pain.
Fighting the urge to contact him, not wanting to dig that pain up, she clenches her teeth and waits until morning, when he next pays her a visit as it became routine. She opens the door, the mask of a smile fixed on her features. ]
Bonjour, mon chér Cloud.
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But hearing and seeing... ]
!
[ Cloud comes to, body slightly weary despite the comfort and calm that claims his body in the wake of a dragon blessing. Sitting upright in his bed as the sheets slip down his upper torso, he sits alone with his thoughts. The future. The present that he lives in. The past...yet at the end of every thought, for some reason he finds himself retracing his steps back to the girl he visited yesterday. Why she was in his thoughts, on his mind, so persistently right now, he couldn't say. This wasn't of some Sanguis-fueled desire or any other possessive pings of addiction that otherwise wrack him beneath his moon. Something about last night triggered something in Cloud, unknowing on a subconscious level that Marie's thoughts were with him too.
His eyes trail to the drawer of his nightstand, deciding to pull it open as he looks at the velvet jewelry box inside. It's for her. Maybe it's a little too early for this, but...for some reason he's compelled to do something for her. She listened to him the night before when he confessed what happened to Zack. Maybe this "Firialia" could come a little early. And so, freshening up and preparing to head out, Cloud's first stop is for the 'simple girl' bound to him.
When she greets him with that beautiful smile, there's a fleeting moment where Cloud is taken aback. Every time, even on the day they first met before they could be called Master & Rider, she had this effect on him. Pained though he may be on the inside, that sensation is at odds with this feeling in his chest, making him feel lighter whenever he sees her face. He can greet her in kind with Bonjour, but there's something more deep and sincere in the smile on his face. A tiredness in his eyes that ebbs away with each passing second as he answers her the only way he knows how. ]
Hey, Marie.
[ Soft yet full of meaning. That he's glad to see her. ]
no subject
For now, she steps aside, elegantly waving a hand to gesture for him to come inside. ]
I have brewed some coffee for you, but if you are not feeling up to it, I also have tea or hot chocolate.
[ Once he steps in, and she closes the door behind them, Marie can't help the stare she gives his broad back. It might be her imagination playing tricks, influenced by the dream and his raw emotions she felt trickling along her skin, but he looks... much smaller than he should be. Like he's struggling to curl into himself and hide his pain away. Her eyes can hardly contail the tears forming behind them.
Her hand twitches, wanting to reach for him... but stops.
Can't bring it up. What if her carelessness upsets him and ruins any bit of their relationship? How would he trust her from then on...? ]
Hopefully you had a good rest? [ She carries on with her performance, following him to the kitchen, chewing her bottom lip once she's done speaking. ]
this slipped through the cracks of my inbox wtf. dfkjash
[ He knows how attentive she can be. She'd drop everything to swap the pot of coffee out for tea or hot cocoa in an instant for him. For anyone... Marie was such a good soul, and there's so much about her that reminds him of another person dear and close to his heart. Yet another person whose left...both here and in his time. A burning question persists in his brain, one he doesn't want to know the answer to least it break him down all over again.
Why? Why did it have to be people like Marie and Aerith who suffer? Always someone like them...]Mm... S'alright. Not the smoothest, but that's to be...
[ Cloud's voice trails as he slowly turns to face her again. A fine performance it was on his Rider's part. ...had it not been for the way she was chewing her bottom lip when she's finished speaking. And his eyes widen some. ...he's not dense, capable of reading the air despite the fact he's hiding something in kind for the sake of a soft front. ]
... you okay?
we are back
Her back is now facing Cloud. It hurts when she stops herself from chewing her lip.
"... you okay?"
She abruptly stands frozen, holding the pot in midair. Her shoulders stiffen a bit. ]
Oui, I am! My neck just aches a bit, because I must have slept in a wrong position last night.
[ Why is it always so hard to lie? She feels terrible as soon as the words leave her mouth. ]
Why don't you make yourself comfortable in the living room? I shall bring the coffee there.
and better than ever
Alright.
[ Having a seat in the luxurious living room, he patiently waits with his hands folded in his lap. When Marie finally arrives with their coffee, however... ]
Lemme see your neck.
[ He looks up to her, concern clear in those soft eyes of his as he hopes she'll take a seat at his side. If her neck and shoulders ache? Cloud's gotta be an attentive Master and do something about that, right? ]
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Tray in her hands, she's back at Cloud's side with their coffee cups. It's with a bit of relief for her tense arms that she places all the content onto the small table without a spill, but her stance turns stiff when Cloud basically requests that he checks her neck, and it takes her some bit of effort not to immediately reject his offer. It would be suspicious if she immediately refused his help. There was not a problem with what she was being asked to do.
Daintily sitting next to him, she gives him a polite smile that is a bit strained at the edges. ]
Alright, but you do not have to worry. It is nothing serious.
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But before his own dreams, it's all taking a backseat to his genuine concern for his Rider as she takes a seat next to him. ]
Probably not. I know how tough you Servants are.
[ Cloud's going to forego his cup of coffee for now. It'll be there, nice and warm for him to drink after he takes care of her. So as she daintily sits next to him, he's going to shift back in his seat and move in closer to her side. Close enough that his hand can move up the back of her neck. He presses, letting his fingers roam down between her neck and shoulder. His tone softens, ]
Some Master I'd be if I can't at least do this, right?
[ Cloud's no expert, but he knows tension when he feels it. She might have lied about actually injuring her neck, but whatever he does feel? He wants to make it go away. So his other hand is going to settle on the other side of her. He's really just giving her a shoulder massage to start. His strong hands following where the tension goes. ]
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The thing is, how would that be possible? There's not many options she has at disposal to approach that matter smoothly without bringing up painful details of his past. Marie sighs through her nose, masking that as relief for his skillful massaging. The enornimity of that topic hangs heavily in the air, and it feels like she's the only one being affected by that. ]
You are very kind, Cloud.
[ A throwaway phrase, but she genuinely thinks so of him, wholeheartedly so. ]
Someone like you deserves so much more than a mere merci from me.
[ Then, she chews her bottom lip for a second, before coming up with a question that is more like a weak hook he could lie his way out of, but she wants to ask anyway. ]
Are you having any troubles lately? You told me you did not have the smoothest sleep last night...
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I had a dream last night. [ Cloud's voice firms up as he speaks. As if he can't allow himself to go too airy in his thoughts when they reach the surface. Despite this, he continues to gently massage her as he speaks. ] It was about a friend of mine back home. He was here one minute and then...got sent back the next.
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I see. His name... was Zach, was it not?
[ They're deep in the topic already. Cloud helped without knowing it. Now she has to let him talk. Get it all out. ]
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Marie saw more, didn't she. Yet despite his wonders, Cloud never stopped his hands. They're less firm now, and he fights the urge to tremble as he attempted to harbor what he feels inside. Still...he never stops. Even when his voice feels farther away than before. ]
He was my best friend. [ ... Heh. ] You talk about who'd make one helluva Heroic Spirit...
[ Not that it was possible. The world didn't work that way where he was from. There was no recording of history for heroes to be summoned forth. Not like the system the Holy Grail utilized. But that's a fleeting thought. A flash in the pan compared to what he tells her next. ]
It's a long story, but... Zack saved me when I couldn't help myself. And...it cost him his life. He died passing his legacy onto me.
For a while...I put all the blame on myself. [ For Zack...for Aerith... ] Now whenever I dream about him, it's...a reminder.
[ Just because he's moved on- because he learned to forgive himself and cherish what's in front of him. Doesn't mean that it would never stop hurting. ]
Mm. You woulda liked him. [ Said so idly as follows whatever tension's left. Until with one last rolling rub of her shoulders, he sighs and lets his hands fall to his lap. ]
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A reminder that he's supposed to carry on a legacy. Such a heavy burden, she's way too close to that knowledge. The same responsibility of a ruler, that she had been once, but it feels more intimate, heart-wrenching. The raw, permanent death of a friend, is something she hasn't really experienced. Cloud has to carry on with that burden for the rest of his life.
When he stops massaging her, the removed physical contact gives Marie plenty room to act.
She turns around, and then her arms are next thrown around his neck, trapping him in a hug. The side of their heads bump into each other as she sighs deeply, letting her previously unshed tears flow as the empathy conflated into sadness grows and constrict her chest so tightly she can't breathe for a few full seconds. ]
Forgive me, Cloud, I... [ She swallows a sob. ] I looked into your dream, last night. It was not voluntary - our bond as Master and Servant caused it to happen. I know everything. I saw every detail. I am so sorry...!
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Eyes wide as saucers and body rendered frozen and stiff, all he can do is listen as she swallows a sob and clutches him tight. The only semblance of sound that comes out of her Master is a squeak of air when she reveals she'd looked into that dream. That she practically had the same dream. So she saw everything. The gunfire, the smell of iron as blood stained the cliffside, washed away by the rain. The passing of the proverbial torch. His honor. His dreams. The very moment Cloud's mind shattered into several pieces all over again, and the scream that signaled the start of another man's journey. ]
... ....
[ This should feel perverse. Like his deepest, darkest memories were involuntarily wrenched from his mind and broadcast for all to see. It's just like the time he and Weiss shared memories together when testing the GIGA. He'd seen her supposed death. She'd seen the loss of Aerith. Why was everyone's lives steeped in loss? Why did that have to be the foundation they built their betterment from?
Cloud had every right to feel uncomfortable knowing that this contract meant nothing was sacred. ]
I...
[ Why then...? ]
[ Why did he care more about the fact the woman holding him was crying? And that he was just sitting there petrified? His body finally moves. It trembles. His fingers twitch. He drank with Panty when Zack first disappeared and found fleeting yet important comfort there. But this was different. Something far more raw. He doesn't reprimand her. He doesn't blame her. He doesn't lament their contract, what they've seen or shared with one another. ]
...
[ Instead, Cloud's arms wrap around her body tight. And he finally breathes. All of the tension in him leaves. The smell of her hair, subtle yet soothing, fills his senses with one hand pressed against her back and the other around her waist. All he wants to do is comfort her now. It took him some time. And he might have always been willing to help her regardless of how their contract came to be. But for the first time, the palpable emotion that fills the room as he listens to her sob reaches a fever pitch.
He opened his heart. The door was open for her to come inside. ]
Don't cry.
[ Ha. Hypocrite... Then why are your eyes burning, Cloud? ]
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His broad arms wrapped all around her smaller figure are so comforting, though. Much to her shame and regret, she's weak to her waist being grabbed like this. He's gentle, despite her reveal probably crashing through him like a boulder into a wall. Even when he's in distress, he still is considerate enough not to show the sadder side of him. Marie wouldn't mind seeing the ugly side of him, too. Humans have emotions they can't control sometimes. When they made love for the first time on his birthday, Cloud bared his aggressive heart to her, and she loved it.
It would make her even more relieved to see him cry right now.
With that resolution, she stifles a sob, gulps a lump down her throat, sighs, and pulls away.
Their eyes meet, and although Marie's is close to being tearful, eyes glistening, she's also determined. Cloud needs an outlet, and it won't work if he forces himself not to cry and let all his sadness out. He won't be able to move on from his loss if he bottles everything up. Being a hero and holding onto a legacy is pointless if he destroys himself from the inside in the process.
She'll make him understand. ]
Cloud... [ Marie gently cups his cheek. ] It is perfectly okay to cry. Neither of us have to hold back, but this is not about me. Whatever I feel right now does not hold up to how much suffering you had to go through in that dream, especially as you re-lived it.
Let your emotions out. Everything that comes to your mind. I will listen. I am here for you.
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[ Cloud blinks, wide-eyed and almost defensively innocent when she gently cups his cheek. He looks bewildered, as if she just said the craziest thing. Let his emotions out? Over what? She's the one who was crying, pained by the suffering she watched... He was over it. He'd moved on...! ]
I'm okay. It happened a long time ago. I'm good, I...
[ He breathes again. Then sucks in a sharp breath on impulse. And for that crucial yet fleeting instant, he stares at her without saying another word. He looks into her beautiful blue eyes, rich as the sky. ...the same sky that Zack loved so much. Why was his vision blurry? He couldn't see her face. All he can do is gently lean into the hand cupping his cheek as the tears rolled down his face. ]
I...
[ Cloud wasn't lying. It happened a long time ago. He'd moved on. He stopped beating himself up over the deaths of Zack and Aerith. For his weakness in being incapable of stopping Sephiroth from reducing Nibelheim to ashes. Some scars never healed, and it was okay if they didn't. This pain...it's new. It's frustrating. And more potently...
It's torture. Cloud's lips form a tight line... And there it is. ]
Why...?
[ Cloud bows his head, heaving a sigh as his shoulders start to shake. His eyes burn with tears as the foundation he'd built crumbles like waves crashing through sand. Even his voice cracks. ]
Why did they bring them here?
[ Why did the Prismals bring Zack and Aerith back if they were just going to take them away? ]
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Marie doesn't have an answer for that. Nobody that has been plunged from their home worlds really holds an answer to something that probably no one knows except the Gods. Her lips remain sealed, pressed in a thin line to mirror Cloud, as she watches him crumble under her gentle hand.
They're not here to solve that mystery anytime soon. She's more concerned about offering her utmost emotional support, rather than talk about possibilities and what-ifs. Even if an answer will relieve him, the sadness will remain sitting at the core of his chest. Marie needs to address that first. ]
I know, Master. I know it was cruel of them to bring your friends here. But the memories you had shared together... they will never fade, even though you can't see them again. And they're too precious to be tainted with sorrow and regret.
[ It's different, knowing that someone who had long died back home was brought here and pretty much forced into a second life. When those whom they left behind will have to experience loss a second time because of Prismatica's whims... she can barely understand what Cloud's friends must have felt, knowing they could have disappeared once again.
Marie can understand, though, how torn he is about the whole ordeal.
She hugs him close once more, planting a kiss close to his ear. ]
I believe it is important to focus on what had been, instead of what you have lost...
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And in the coming months, that happiness would only continue to grow. But every single time... Every fucking time. Something reminds him of his past failings. Attempts to drag him down. All he can do is feel the bubbling urge to growl and tell those voices to shut up. It's over. The past is the past. ...one that continues to be drudged up so he can practice saying goodbye again. ]
I know... [ The second Marie hugs him close, the kiss leaves a tingling warmth of Chroma that attempts to quell his aching heart and mind. So warm. So beautiful. ] I know.....
[ But it doesn't make the tears stop. How long did this take? How long did he hold this in? He doesn't even know where to put his hands right now. All he can feel is his hands gently fisting pristine fabric against her back. Finding some sort of purchase. But it's like he forgot how to hold someone. ]
I'm tired, Marie. I don't know. I- [ Cloud gives up. His hands slip down to her waist, limp as he weakly holds onto her and allows her to embrace him in kind. ] Sorry.
[ Why? He's saying words randomly now. He's so confused. What made him crumble? How did Marie make it so easy? So easy to tremble as he allows himself to press closer to her. She's warmer. Any farther away and he'd be left in the cold, it feels like. ]
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But Cloud's pain is so recent, she can't expect him to recover from that quickly and efficiently. The best course right now is to sit here and cry it out and say all that he wants and needs to say. It's better than going out there and hurt himself in some way, out of anger and despair. He's a Sanguis, so that's already risky in itself.
Maybe it won't be a bad idea to keep him here for the time being, until he calms down... ]
It is tiring, having to face such turmoil. That is why I will not be leaving your side.
[ She embraces him tighter, strokes his hair, brings him against her chest. ]
You are going to be alright. Stay with me, Cloud.